Dealing with infertility is one of the most stressful, painful and difficult experience that people encounter. It’s never a linear path and is often complicated by various factors from medical conditions, unpredictability and a lack of answers. As an acupuncturist who specializes in fertility, I have found that there is a strong emotional component to conceiving a child. This may seem obvious to some and annoying to others, but there’s a thread of magic to this fertility journey. I am NOT saying that “you should relax” or “go on vacation” in order to get pregnant. (This is something that most women hear when they are trying to conceive and it is so, SO painful!) For example, everything can go “right” during fertility treatment and still get a negative pregnancy test. This can happen for many months! One theory that resonates with me is that the spirit of the baby chooses the parents; it has nothing to do with the thickness of the uterine lining or the quality of the egg. We are, after all, spirits housed in physical bodies! In this sense, the only way we can “control” conception is by being emotionally open to receive this spirit. This is not a choice we can make—there’s no herb or acupuncture point for that! It’s a continual practice that we must open ourselves up to the POSSIBILITY of pregnancy.
This is so hard to do. I do not underestimate that fact. When people experience infertility, it is often the first time in our lives that we can’t DO something to make this happen—we can’t “try harder”. There’s no one answer, either. There’s not one medication, supplement protocol or therapy that will ensure a pregnancy. We struggle to cope with this fact. We feel helpless. Some people give up, some go to extremes. And still, nothing is guaranteed. This is when identifying the emotional component of accepting the lack of control and living in the present moment is the best (and only) practice we can use to achieve what we ultimately want.
The two main practices to achieve this mental space are to live in the present moment and practice gratitude. When patients are I discuss next steps, my response is “but today is Monday” (or whatever day of the week it happens to be). Who KNOWS what tomorrow will bring? No one has a crystal ball of the future. This is especially pertinent when people are going through IVF and make plans for the next phases. When we get ideas about what’s going to happen next and when the reality doesn’t match this idea, more pain and frustration results. Staying open to the possibilities and letting go of expectation allows us to live in the present moment! Practicing gratitude is another way to keep the spirit open. When we stop to think of all the things we are grateful for, we are able to appreciate these things so, so much more. This is when we are able to see, with wonder, the things that may have seemed initially mundane. It makes life more joyful while we undergo this difficult time in conceiving a child, which can be such a dark and painful period of time. As I have stated before, this is not a choice but rather is a practice. I wish you the best of luck with this practice and hope you can find some light in this period of darkness. That’s the magic of it all.
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